Clouded Chests

Almost every other day this summer, 11am has meant, "almost lunch time." This morning it means, "post-breakfast-cereal-blog time." This past weekend I house sat at Dr. Tremper Longman's again. I paralleled it to my last visitation, what a difference eh? Last time i was praying about how Africa plans would pan out, and the rest of the summer, and was soaking up the solitude with joy. This time i was making phone calls about fund raising, ending my summer job, and wondering why despair had decided to join my shirt as its hanging from my neck. That's what kind of a weekend it was, and i have utterly no explanation for it. All i know is that I tried to remedy it, i went through a check list of possible solutions that often bend my physical, mental and spiritual equilibrium. I was eating fine (mostly), exercising, praying, and sleeping fine. There were a few other theories, some of which still remain in deliberation with the jury, but i know the basics were stable. However, for some reason this monkey clung to my back and began picking my nose and trying to make its way through my ears, clogging them, and the world felt deaf to me.
This feeling swelled, until I came back to my apartment. In the initial hours of my homecoming i thought this spell was over. Nope, it came back as soon as i realized it might be over. It swelled, until it crashed on the shores of my pride. I knew i needed to ask someone to pray with me, not just for me, but with me.
I then realized i was staging an inner battle. As if behind your rib cage there are two clouds colliding, a stormy one that wishes to weigh you down with its soaking drops, and a bright, pure, and white cloud that wishes to brighten the day from the inside. But the trick is all along, the rain cloud only has so much water before it dissipates, and the white cloud of righteousness is fueled and ignited by the warmth of the sun. I have not a strong idea of what the sun is, whether it is my own ability to keep searching, or the Holy Spirit, or Christ "in me," but i do know that whatever it was, it blazed in a time of prayer, and burned away the gray. I went to Ryan and Craig, and asked them to pray for me, and failed to express my feelings (big surprise there right... well maybe sometimes i guess). As they both prayed for me, somewhere amongst there sentiments and pleads to our Lord, i felt something swell against the wave of despair, and "it" was over.
Thank you Ryan, thank you Craig, thank you God.