The Monkey, Part I
You know what I realized today?
I am not directly at fault for my friends in Tanzania being impoverished.
Around day four of my re-entry as I was driving around town, a monkey snuck into my car and somehow has managed to cling on my back, where he has remained for the past two weeks. The name of the monkey is Guilt. He is sin, he is not redeemed humanity with its forgiveness and freedom. But just as monkeys appear to be, Guilt is an alluring resemblance of what you might think was free, good and righteous humanity.
For a while, I didn't notice him. He was with me almost everywhere I went, and loved to remind me of my past experiences. In fact, I thought his words to be wise counsel. I had never once noticed that his speech were mere imitations, altercations of true human speech. Soon Guilt made himself quite comfortable upon my shoulders and even his fleas started to bond. As they jumped and scurried over my scalp and crawl in my ears, I became distracted from the tasks at-hand, slapping and scratching - their annoyance reveals their foreign identity.
The memories themselves continued to appear, and they would inspire compassionate action. I sought honest advice about my gifts and started considering how I could best implement them. However, Guilt's words seem to defy and provide rational contradiction to my inspiration. Saying things like, "How does counseling people here help your friends over there? What kind of widespread and lasting effect would that have? Counseling? You know not everyone has the time to work through emotions and hidden pains. Why don't you do something that serves everyone." And so I would follow these shrewd and erudite words, alter my course, and let inspiration and ambition guide. But faithfully along for the ride, Guilt didn't mind offering his two-sense, "I wouldn't spend money on that, it would go much farther in Johnson's hands, don't forget him... Whoa whoa, don't just give away so readily, how do you know your money is going to be used efficiently? Don't move, not yet. Remember you are responsible for what you have, including your experiences and relationships; neglect isn't right."
Eventually the only thing Guilt would let me do, without chiming in, was sit down and swat fleas. In this position I was most unhappy. Where do most people go when they are unhappy? Well, I for one prayed to the one who, I at one point thought, created happiness.
"How are the struggles of the children I haven't barred my fault? I wish to do something, but I know not what anymore. One action seems to be neglect towards one thing or another. How to handle who I am? And to do so in light of who and where they are!? Whoa is me! whoa is me!"
Being one man, having seen much of the world in its audacious tragedy and splendor, being miraculously alive, and being given absorbent gifts, I find myself having much more weight than I previously had.
To be continued...
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A reflection on gas guzzling...
Today as I drove around town it happened again. The gas guzzling SUVs seemed to drive off the road, role down my tongue, settle in my stomach, and spew fumes making me queasy at the materialistic obsessions of our culture. This spell wasn't as bad as others, but still undesired. I don't dislike Americans by nature, and I fight to be sympathetic to those who are unaware, trapped, and even purposefully ignoring the pains of humanity and their status with the ability of change.
No, I don't hate them or myself. It is certainly a struggle, but I won't give into to abhorrent judgement. But I realized something very important today, all I am doing is battling to remain neutral, proactively living inactive. But one important thing I learned in Tanzania is that Jesus' life, and his teaching are to not remain inactive; our life is to be active, and active in love. This is my focus. Fight the good fight. "ποι¦εῖ¦τε as you would have them do to you" (the greek verb is a present active imperative, i.e. requires action now and repeatedly.)
No, I don't hate them or myself. It is certainly a struggle, but I won't give into to abhorrent judgement. But I realized something very important today, all I am doing is battling to remain neutral, proactively living inactive. But one important thing I learned in Tanzania is that Jesus' life, and his teaching are to not remain inactive; our life is to be active, and active in love. This is my focus. Fight the good fight. "ποι¦εῖ¦τε as you would have them do to you" (the greek verb is a present active imperative, i.e. requires action now and repeatedly.)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
A moment upon re-entry
I am back in the U.S.
Most likely, I'll start blogging again.
Here is a moment in my room upon re-entry. Hold me to it.
10/6/10
I never thought I would be judgmental upon my return to the states. But none-the-less it arises within me naturally, so natural its almost scary. It clouds up the conversation I am having, and is painted on all the objects I see. I say, "How can they own this? Do they not know the life they would have directly and drastically changed with the money spent for this? Wow, this is nice! Wow, there is so much!" I get upset, and think, "Who are they, who are we, who am I to have this thing here. This just isn't fair!"
I am disconcerted, but at no one and with no one directly. Who am I to place blame when the troubles stretch beyond my comprehension, and the cause far more complicated? I must not let the shock of this bipolar planet destroy my friendships in a moment of hardship and fierce words. If, and when the time comes, I must teach with gentle kindness; share my thoughts, feelings and reactions in honesty. The shock shouldn't control me, but it should certainly affect me.
I am finding myself almost addicted to change and discomfort. Because in these times, I break down, I feel the burning pleasure of re-growth. When I am faced with the sharp contrasts of my friends lives, I again see the change I have had and live with. All lives have detail, so I know their lives aren't mere cookie cutouts, but I think my cutout has now changed shape. These times are rare, the times when I process and re-adapt. I almost wish to remain here, stuck for an hour and a half as nostalgia churns with the present and into reality. It's a drug, that prostrates me, and if I didn't know God, and didn't know I could talk to him at all times in all places, I would hate the drug. But since the later is true, I almost crave it.
I know these times are precious, so I let them flow and fuel me as long as they can. I could decide to just live and do my tasks, I could turn off the engine and let the fuel evaporate after numbered days under the sun; but I won't.
I want something more with my life. I am dissatisfied with the cookie shapes of my friends, and don't want to conform and fall back into a compatible mold. I want greatness! I don't want to lead a boring life, without effect and without changing the world around me. Excellence is my standard. I have a new passion, whether it is attainable or not is inconsequential, I want to make a difference.
My friend Dan has been around me and with me for a while. I want to say he has affected lives like I have, but I don't think he really has. My former resident T. J. said to me, "There is a Tom sized shape missing at Westmont (where I first met him and mentored him)." I finally believe both of these articles. I finally beginning to see myself, and how I am distinguished.
Amidst anyone that I have spent a lot of time around, anyone I am very comfortable with - mostly my friends and family - I loose an edge my character. I am less courteous, but also less boldly challenging and upbringing. If they are not comfortable speaking in God in one way, I comply and cease to speak. I need to speak for myself, from my heart, encourage them to lift theirs and assist them in their effort. My faith is mine own, but my faith means something for theirs.
Most likely, I'll start blogging again.
Here is a moment in my room upon re-entry. Hold me to it.
10/6/10
I never thought I would be judgmental upon my return to the states. But none-the-less it arises within me naturally, so natural its almost scary. It clouds up the conversation I am having, and is painted on all the objects I see. I say, "How can they own this? Do they not know the life they would have directly and drastically changed with the money spent for this? Wow, this is nice! Wow, there is so much!" I get upset, and think, "Who are they, who are we, who am I to have this thing here. This just isn't fair!"
I am disconcerted, but at no one and with no one directly. Who am I to place blame when the troubles stretch beyond my comprehension, and the cause far more complicated? I must not let the shock of this bipolar planet destroy my friendships in a moment of hardship and fierce words. If, and when the time comes, I must teach with gentle kindness; share my thoughts, feelings and reactions in honesty. The shock shouldn't control me, but it should certainly affect me.
I am finding myself almost addicted to change and discomfort. Because in these times, I break down, I feel the burning pleasure of re-growth. When I am faced with the sharp contrasts of my friends lives, I again see the change I have had and live with. All lives have detail, so I know their lives aren't mere cookie cutouts, but I think my cutout has now changed shape. These times are rare, the times when I process and re-adapt. I almost wish to remain here, stuck for an hour and a half as nostalgia churns with the present and into reality. It's a drug, that prostrates me, and if I didn't know God, and didn't know I could talk to him at all times in all places, I would hate the drug. But since the later is true, I almost crave it.
I know these times are precious, so I let them flow and fuel me as long as they can. I could decide to just live and do my tasks, I could turn off the engine and let the fuel evaporate after numbered days under the sun; but I won't.
I want something more with my life. I am dissatisfied with the cookie shapes of my friends, and don't want to conform and fall back into a compatible mold. I want greatness! I don't want to lead a boring life, without effect and without changing the world around me. Excellence is my standard. I have a new passion, whether it is attainable or not is inconsequential, I want to make a difference.
My friend Dan has been around me and with me for a while. I want to say he has affected lives like I have, but I don't think he really has. My former resident T. J. said to me, "There is a Tom sized shape missing at Westmont (where I first met him and mentored him)." I finally believe both of these articles. I finally beginning to see myself, and how I am distinguished.
Amidst anyone that I have spent a lot of time around, anyone I am very comfortable with - mostly my friends and family - I loose an edge my character. I am less courteous, but also less boldly challenging and upbringing. If they are not comfortable speaking in God in one way, I comply and cease to speak. I need to speak for myself, from my heart, encourage them to lift theirs and assist them in their effort. My faith is mine own, but my faith means something for theirs.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Fare-thee well United States
So, here it is, my last blog for quite a while. I probably won't be using this website to blog while away. Right now I am in the Sac airport. Steve and I are awaiting to board a flight to Atlanta, followed by a flight to London!!! There we will take a train to Leeds for a few days, and then back in the city for a few days. Then *insert drum roll* TANZANIA! At which point, I shall explore my communication options, and decide how often to keep a blog. I might be featured on www.worldwideopen.org which is pretty cool. *(insert plug)-They are an incredible organization that dreams to unite the global church. I see this being an incredible ecumenical tool, both in America, and internationally. Go on there and create a profile, you will be surprised where this website goes, and how useful be in the Kingdom of God.* However, I will hopefully be keeping email updates frequently, whether or not I am on the site. But similar scattered stories, thoughts, and poetry that I have tried to share on this blog, will probably be left unsaid, except in my journal.
So here is to an era, a season, a blog that has meant a lot to me. I will however be trying to read others as much as possible. And actually, who knows, you may get a surprise post every now and then. It all depends on the great paradigm shift of life that I am about to undergo.
My thoughts of late have been an internal conversation of these sorts:
"What am I doing? Do I even realize how long 9 months is? Ya, I do. Wow! Why do I realize how much I am going to miss people, and everything when I am alone?
I am not sure whether I want to try to not think about these things, or not? Actually, I think I should, it will make the impact of this journey greater, and I think it is big piece of reality. I have to understand where I have been to understand where I am, and where I am going.
Whoa, I am actually a little scared, and a little anxious. These are both new feelings to me. What is also new to me is the honesty to realize, admit, and accept these feelings, and allow them to guide me. God has taken me a long way. Thanks RA staff. Okay Thomas, accept them, and pray through them. Okay go, pray. And, don't think you are feeling this way because of obligation, trust your feelings, and pray with honesty.
Dang, this is going to be so AWESOME. I need some sleep. I wonder what that old guy across from me is thinking about. Probably wondering where the nearest bathroom is, old people are always worried about their bladder."
Okey dokey, the plane just docked. I guess I'll be boarding in about 15 minutes. Steve is next to me, to have a fellow journeyman and friend that knows me well is comfort. The one thing I have as a goal, is to meet as many people as possible, and share with them the love of Christ, whether we meet on plain, train, town, pub, city, village, or hut. I wish to be self confident enough to smile at others, meet them, look them in eye, and try to bless their life, and make a friend. If you would care to, I request that you ask me when you write a letter or email whether I am constantly doing this throughout my time. Constantly loving all, smiling, befriending, looking people in the eye, and blessing them. Thank you very much my friends, thank you very much indeed.
Today Sacramento,
tomorrow London.
In this journey to grow,
the name of the Son.
Amen.
So here is to an era, a season, a blog that has meant a lot to me. I will however be trying to read others as much as possible. And actually, who knows, you may get a surprise post every now and then. It all depends on the great paradigm shift of life that I am about to undergo.
My thoughts of late have been an internal conversation of these sorts:
"What am I doing? Do I even realize how long 9 months is? Ya, I do. Wow! Why do I realize how much I am going to miss people, and everything when I am alone?
I am not sure whether I want to try to not think about these things, or not? Actually, I think I should, it will make the impact of this journey greater, and I think it is big piece of reality. I have to understand where I have been to understand where I am, and where I am going.
Whoa, I am actually a little scared, and a little anxious. These are both new feelings to me. What is also new to me is the honesty to realize, admit, and accept these feelings, and allow them to guide me. God has taken me a long way. Thanks RA staff. Okay Thomas, accept them, and pray through them. Okay go, pray. And, don't think you are feeling this way because of obligation, trust your feelings, and pray with honesty.
Dang, this is going to be so AWESOME. I need some sleep. I wonder what that old guy across from me is thinking about. Probably wondering where the nearest bathroom is, old people are always worried about their bladder."
Okey dokey, the plane just docked. I guess I'll be boarding in about 15 minutes. Steve is next to me, to have a fellow journeyman and friend that knows me well is comfort. The one thing I have as a goal, is to meet as many people as possible, and share with them the love of Christ, whether we meet on plain, train, town, pub, city, village, or hut. I wish to be self confident enough to smile at others, meet them, look them in eye, and try to bless their life, and make a friend. If you would care to, I request that you ask me when you write a letter or email whether I am constantly doing this throughout my time. Constantly loving all, smiling, befriending, looking people in the eye, and blessing them. Thank you very much my friends, thank you very much indeed.
Today Sacramento,
tomorrow London.
In this journey to grow,
the name of the Son.
Amen.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Doctor Coffee Bean
Lately my life has consisted of a few things. I'll give the run down so i can quickly get to a few of the more mentionable items.
I wake up with an average of 8 hours of sleep in me, this is the first time this has happened in the past 4 years. I call it bag-reduction. I might promote it, open a business, and live the American dream if it actually worked... and i actually had an American dream.
I usually do one of the three these things soon after awaking. Surf, read/pray, or eat. The latter two usually fall into concurrence with each other.
The rest of my daylight is usually spent in the square mile that makes up Coast Village Rd. to Butterfly beach. My main hub of activity resides between Coffee Bean and Butterfly beach, consisting of seeing old friends, studying swahili, emailing, talking and praying with friends, multiple goodbyes, and obviously blogging.
I often see people who I have said my nine-months-goodbye, and so we proceed to repeat the matter. Right now Korinne Kane is in the lead with a total of four goodbyes. A few are in a close second with three, and many are in third place with double goodbyes. This is not some sort of self-conceited game in which you all must play to win. Its just my fun, creative way to convey to you odd humor that life often has. But if want to play, you now know my schedule so feel free to compete on "Tom's Big Goodbye Give Away!" (Complete with an unlimited amount of hugs, and no commercial breaks for you viewers).
At night if I get hungry enough to catch dinner, I'll enjoy it with a friend.
The nights activities vary from reading to partying.
Now to move onto the two motivators of this blog.
First: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORINNE KANE!!! She is a wonderful woman whom i have had the pleasure of knowing, and in case you forgot, she is in the lead with four goodbyes!
Second: Yesterday, i was given a pleasant interruption to my schedule. As I sat in Coffee Bean grinding over vocabulary words, I heard a string of familiar baritone rumbles from the seat 4 feet from me. I few bells rung, and I quickly recognized this voice as "Doc" from the great "Back to the Future" trilogy. I raised an eyebrow, tilted my head, and snuck a glance. A great smirk flew on the scene, and I looked back down to hide my recognition and excitement. Yes, Christopher 'Freeking' Lloyd was in within slapping distance from me, and I resisted the temptation to do so, or some other embarrassing gesture. You might be expecting some epiphany or reflection on how celebrities are just normal people and should be treated as such. Well, sorry, that is pretty self explanatory, seeing as i just did. It was an exciting event, and a fun conversational piece which I have been divulging the last 24 hours.
The epiphany I now hold is self interrogative: why do I not talk about the things God does in the same way and in the same manner and tone as I do a celebrity citing? Are they not just as or more exciting than the cite of a science fiction actor?
Let's think about this, say God is a fictional character in the same way the Doc is. Is God not a more captivating and exciting character than a quirky scientist who builds really fast DeLorean? Good thing the Doc is a real character that i can reach out and slap at a coffee shop, right?
I wake up with an average of 8 hours of sleep in me, this is the first time this has happened in the past 4 years. I call it bag-reduction. I might promote it, open a business, and live the American dream if it actually worked... and i actually had an American dream.
I usually do one of the three these things soon after awaking. Surf, read/pray, or eat. The latter two usually fall into concurrence with each other.
The rest of my daylight is usually spent in the square mile that makes up Coast Village Rd. to Butterfly beach. My main hub of activity resides between Coffee Bean and Butterfly beach, consisting of seeing old friends, studying swahili, emailing, talking and praying with friends, multiple goodbyes, and obviously blogging.
I often see people who I have said my nine-months-goodbye, and so we proceed to repeat the matter. Right now Korinne Kane is in the lead with a total of four goodbyes. A few are in a close second with three, and many are in third place with double goodbyes. This is not some sort of self-conceited game in which you all must play to win. Its just my fun, creative way to convey to you odd humor that life often has. But if want to play, you now know my schedule so feel free to compete on "Tom's Big Goodbye Give Away!" (Complete with an unlimited amount of hugs, and no commercial breaks for you viewers).
At night if I get hungry enough to catch dinner, I'll enjoy it with a friend.
The nights activities vary from reading to partying.
Now to move onto the two motivators of this blog.
First: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORINNE KANE!!! She is a wonderful woman whom i have had the pleasure of knowing, and in case you forgot, she is in the lead with four goodbyes!
Second: Yesterday, i was given a pleasant interruption to my schedule. As I sat in Coffee Bean grinding over vocabulary words, I heard a string of familiar baritone rumbles from the seat 4 feet from me. I few bells rung, and I quickly recognized this voice as "Doc" from the great "Back to the Future" trilogy. I raised an eyebrow, tilted my head, and snuck a glance. A great smirk flew on the scene, and I looked back down to hide my recognition and excitement. Yes, Christopher 'Freeking' Lloyd was in within slapping distance from me, and I resisted the temptation to do so, or some other embarrassing gesture. You might be expecting some epiphany or reflection on how celebrities are just normal people and should be treated as such. Well, sorry, that is pretty self explanatory, seeing as i just did. It was an exciting event, and a fun conversational piece which I have been divulging the last 24 hours.
The epiphany I now hold is self interrogative: why do I not talk about the things God does in the same way and in the same manner and tone as I do a celebrity citing? Are they not just as or more exciting than the cite of a science fiction actor?
Let's think about this, say God is a fictional character in the same way the Doc is. Is God not a more captivating and exciting character than a quirky scientist who builds really fast DeLorean? Good thing the Doc is a real character that i can reach out and slap at a coffee shop, right?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A poet is found in the end
Today as I slowed to a halt at an intersection, a dream drove across in front of me. It was a sky blue, restored convertible car from the fifties. I apologize that my lack of car knowledge inhibits the vision, but imagine a long, smooth hood that rounds down to white rubber wheels and classic, shined hubcaps. The windshield wraps the front of the car, and protected the precious cargo from losing their assorted hats and scarfs. Seated in the front were two old men who seemed finely aged into their seventies. Seated behind them were two matching women, all dressed in clothes that you only buy when you retire.
I dreamed a dream of reunion. I dreamed these two old men having been best friends since five, and maybe after some distance through college at separate schools, were reunited. Soon after they were best men in each others weddings. Of course, the bride in each case was a women they had counseled each other about through many midnights during the long months of courting and engagement. Their wives naturally hit it off, and soon started planning double dates, in which there were never objections from the men, except the request to go to the batting cages instead of the flower garden. During their younger days the women, soft and beautiful, would chatter away in the back seat with matching smiles. The sun was their friend and was glad to soak into their skin, allowing their bodies to turn a radiant gold, the only color that replicated their love for the man seated forefront. As the world smiled at its sky colored ant rolling through dirt roads and hillside, eternal moments of bliss were made.
Over the years children came out crying, and soon it was a month before the couples had seen each other. A month turned into a year, a year turned into a decade, and it became nearly impossible to travel a family of five. Time slowly did its part on the heart, but never on the memory. As grandchildren came the chapters of written careers begin to end, and a conclusions to their life's book began to draw near. The vision of their kin's kin, inspired reminiscence, and a longing grew bubbles large enough to touch across the mileage that separated them. So they met in Montecito, and the old convertible, looking warm as ever, was filled with familiar laughs and love.
I was blessed enough to survey the latter part, and create the former.
However, what if this dream had no resemblance to reality. Sure there is pain and hurt after living seventy years, but doesn't the charity of a poetic dream like that outweigh the gross, reality of life? Maybe this is where my poetic skew that loves happy endings and full circles ends.
I fell into a possible contradiction. The contradiction that keeps me from flying into optimism. Maybe these two couples have absolutely nothing in common, and all four have Alzheimer's, just happen to be at the same retirement community, and felt like a ride. What if the back ladies sit in awkward silence, while the men talk about all the women they got to "know" in the past fifty years. How the drivers feels lucky for not going through the three divorces his companion had, but knows he wished he would have abandoned his wife half way through the marriage to travel the globe with his secret love. What if the women are upset for the convertible, because each are so paranoid about the sun's power over their skin cells.
Neither world is more probable than the other, which do I live in? I am dual minded in nearly everything. I end to be the true poet stuck somewhere in the middle, and praying for the former. Praying for a day when it is all in the former.
I still believe, Maranatha!
I dreamed a dream of reunion. I dreamed these two old men having been best friends since five, and maybe after some distance through college at separate schools, were reunited. Soon after they were best men in each others weddings. Of course, the bride in each case was a women they had counseled each other about through many midnights during the long months of courting and engagement. Their wives naturally hit it off, and soon started planning double dates, in which there were never objections from the men, except the request to go to the batting cages instead of the flower garden. During their younger days the women, soft and beautiful, would chatter away in the back seat with matching smiles. The sun was their friend and was glad to soak into their skin, allowing their bodies to turn a radiant gold, the only color that replicated their love for the man seated forefront. As the world smiled at its sky colored ant rolling through dirt roads and hillside, eternal moments of bliss were made.
Over the years children came out crying, and soon it was a month before the couples had seen each other. A month turned into a year, a year turned into a decade, and it became nearly impossible to travel a family of five. Time slowly did its part on the heart, but never on the memory. As grandchildren came the chapters of written careers begin to end, and a conclusions to their life's book began to draw near. The vision of their kin's kin, inspired reminiscence, and a longing grew bubbles large enough to touch across the mileage that separated them. So they met in Montecito, and the old convertible, looking warm as ever, was filled with familiar laughs and love.
I was blessed enough to survey the latter part, and create the former.
However, what if this dream had no resemblance to reality. Sure there is pain and hurt after living seventy years, but doesn't the charity of a poetic dream like that outweigh the gross, reality of life? Maybe this is where my poetic skew that loves happy endings and full circles ends.
I fell into a possible contradiction. The contradiction that keeps me from flying into optimism. Maybe these two couples have absolutely nothing in common, and all four have Alzheimer's, just happen to be at the same retirement community, and felt like a ride. What if the back ladies sit in awkward silence, while the men talk about all the women they got to "know" in the past fifty years. How the drivers feels lucky for not going through the three divorces his companion had, but knows he wished he would have abandoned his wife half way through the marriage to travel the globe with his secret love. What if the women are upset for the convertible, because each are so paranoid about the sun's power over their skin cells.
Neither world is more probable than the other, which do I live in? I am dual minded in nearly everything. I end to be the true poet stuck somewhere in the middle, and praying for the former. Praying for a day when it is all in the former.
I still believe, Maranatha!
Monday, September 14, 2009
metaphor(shore) break
Today feels like the end of an era. I will forever remember this summer as a gift, as an answer to prayer. I received the blessing of a living space filled with five young men. Evan Engle, Drew Tillman, Ryan Reiner, Craig Sewall, and John Carsenson. This is not a shout out, this is a memo to the world. World, if you ever get to meet these five men, give them a hug for me, look into their eyes and know there is depth behind the shades. There is faith, there is sensitivity, there is care, there is confidence, there is a Lordship alongside them.
I missed our fellow traveler, and when he left, the summer's current and relational chemistry that i began to know as home was washed away. But the surf of the five of us remained. As another departs tomorrow, I feel the surf slowly being swallowed by the sand. Each wave is made up of individuals, and I am grateful and touched to be mixed and welcomed into each wave. I am thankful for each particle of person, especially those five.
On Friday I move out, and on that day it will dry completely. The dryness is near. It does not frighten me, but the heat will come, and it will remind me that I won't last long without another wash of homeliness.
After I dry in the sand, after a time couch surfing and itineration through out California, I will throw myself to the sea. Wherein I will toss and toil, travel, rise in swell, and crash on a new continent. There I will mix with a brand new water, and be apart of a new wave.
This is community.
I missed our fellow traveler, and when he left, the summer's current and relational chemistry that i began to know as home was washed away. But the surf of the five of us remained. As another departs tomorrow, I feel the surf slowly being swallowed by the sand. Each wave is made up of individuals, and I am grateful and touched to be mixed and welcomed into each wave. I am thankful for each particle of person, especially those five.
On Friday I move out, and on that day it will dry completely. The dryness is near. It does not frighten me, but the heat will come, and it will remind me that I won't last long without another wash of homeliness.
After I dry in the sand, after a time couch surfing and itineration through out California, I will throw myself to the sea. Wherein I will toss and toil, travel, rise in swell, and crash on a new continent. There I will mix with a brand new water, and be apart of a new wave.
This is community.
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