Here is a little poem for you all Westmont people.
DTR (determine the relationship)
It's come to be that time
when the garden needs water
when warm sheets need a friend
when stars need to rise
over the great expanse, a blanket is spread
containing a millions of twinkles
and two below resting on a blanket.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Lazy Thursday
Welp, if i had to pick a theme song for the last two weeks it would be "Roller Coaster." And if i had to pick a movie scene, it would probably be Will Farrell playing Ron Burgundy in Anchorman right after his dog Baxter gets kicked off a bridge, he is hysterically (in both meanings) screaming at the top of his lungs, "I'm in a glass case of emotion!!!!!!"
On another note, I love proctoring exams. It pays well, i get two hours to do homework or something else such as blogging, and i get to encourage a bunch of students as they stress about their rather unimportant grade and test. I love encouraging them when they look up at me, almost all of them do at some point. I usually will try out my new funny faces on them, or just revert back to some classics like "the high eye brows," or the "semi smile," or the "wide mouth," or the "shoulder shrug to eye role to standing and doing a back flip off the desk"... i might change that one to "The Pecos." I have been working on my Korinne face, the awkward "i'm confused, and a little disappointed" look, but it just hasn't come to fruition yet, at its not the most encouraging during an exam. Maybe I'll have to get some training from her.
One of my favorite things about proctoring is just watching people's reactions. I had no idea people had such similar reactions, i think i recognize all their faces and actions as something i have done before too. The "look at the ceiling an talk to yourself," the "head super glued to palm until i remember this little detail i studied," or the "oh gosh... I'm hungover, and i think someone knows it" (that one i haven't experienced so much... or at all really), "or the "if i just keep staring I will remember, if i just keep staring i will remember... if i just keep staring i will.... HEY I REMEMBER!!". But anyway, this is just an example of a continued life lesson i am learning.
People react similarly and very basic tendencies. And, i am not crazy for just acting as i feel or reacting as i do sometimes, for that is all these people in front of me are doing. But, this is always counterbalanced with the truth that people are soooo different from me, and each other. What i know is different than what someone else knows, and my reaction is going to be different. I need to be confident in who i am, and focused in my present moment, not matter what that may be, reacting honestly, but also evaluating that reaction, and interpreting. Sometime, i can trust my reactions immediately, other times i need to keep my mouth shut and evaluate before speaking or acting. It is an ebb and flow, a trial and error process. There are going to be mistakes, and successes. Life is so complex, and so very simple. There is nothing like the human life.
Random: Everybody thinks and feels. Everybody determines what they feel based on how they think sometimes, and everybody determines what they think based on how they feel sometimes. The question is just which one comes first more frequently. I think it is based on which chemicals in the brain are exercised more and have been exercised more through out thier life. Since there is a history of practice and neurological path ways established (based on those chemical reactions) then those paths are more frequently taken over the other, and it is easier for that person to take that path. This theory is based on a few things: 1, very little knowledge on the details of psychoneurology. 2, people are creatures, and alike all other creatures, will most commonly react how it is easiest for the body to react; In other words, people are lazy. 3, That it actually is easier to react primarily one of the processes (i.e. thought to feel, or feel to thought) before the other. I think people could sit and control thier reactions and actions if given the time to dwell, and that does not make them a thinker for doing so, for both much feeling and thinking would occur.
On another note, I love proctoring exams. It pays well, i get two hours to do homework or something else such as blogging, and i get to encourage a bunch of students as they stress about their rather unimportant grade and test. I love encouraging them when they look up at me, almost all of them do at some point. I usually will try out my new funny faces on them, or just revert back to some classics like "the high eye brows," or the "semi smile," or the "wide mouth," or the "shoulder shrug to eye role to standing and doing a back flip off the desk"... i might change that one to "The Pecos." I have been working on my Korinne face, the awkward "i'm confused, and a little disappointed" look, but it just hasn't come to fruition yet, at its not the most encouraging during an exam. Maybe I'll have to get some training from her.
One of my favorite things about proctoring is just watching people's reactions. I had no idea people had such similar reactions, i think i recognize all their faces and actions as something i have done before too. The "look at the ceiling an talk to yourself," the "head super glued to palm until i remember this little detail i studied," or the "oh gosh... I'm hungover, and i think someone knows it" (that one i haven't experienced so much... or at all really), "or the "if i just keep staring I will remember, if i just keep staring i will remember... if i just keep staring i will.... HEY I REMEMBER!!". But anyway, this is just an example of a continued life lesson i am learning.
People react similarly and very basic tendencies. And, i am not crazy for just acting as i feel or reacting as i do sometimes, for that is all these people in front of me are doing. But, this is always counterbalanced with the truth that people are soooo different from me, and each other. What i know is different than what someone else knows, and my reaction is going to be different. I need to be confident in who i am, and focused in my present moment, not matter what that may be, reacting honestly, but also evaluating that reaction, and interpreting. Sometime, i can trust my reactions immediately, other times i need to keep my mouth shut and evaluate before speaking or acting. It is an ebb and flow, a trial and error process. There are going to be mistakes, and successes. Life is so complex, and so very simple. There is nothing like the human life.
Random: Everybody thinks and feels. Everybody determines what they feel based on how they think sometimes, and everybody determines what they think based on how they feel sometimes. The question is just which one comes first more frequently. I think it is based on which chemicals in the brain are exercised more and have been exercised more through out thier life. Since there is a history of practice and neurological path ways established (based on those chemical reactions) then those paths are more frequently taken over the other, and it is easier for that person to take that path. This theory is based on a few things: 1, very little knowledge on the details of psychoneurology. 2, people are creatures, and alike all other creatures, will most commonly react how it is easiest for the body to react; In other words, people are lazy. 3, That it actually is easier to react primarily one of the processes (i.e. thought to feel, or feel to thought) before the other. I think people could sit and control thier reactions and actions if given the time to dwell, and that does not make them a thinker for doing so, for both much feeling and thinking would occur.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Duece Duece and a napkidding.
So thus concludes the best birthday i have ever had. Pssshhh, and they say Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth, well i wasn't there today as i thought i would be, and i have never been happier. I love birthdays because they give you land marks to reflect upon the past year from, much like Christmas and every widely celebrated holiday i guess. But i was thinking back to last year and the party in Hieronymus Lounge and the events that followed. That was truly an incredible day, and a blessed time. At that point in life, i said to myself, "this is the best life has ever been, and its only going to keep getting better." Today, nearing the end of the 24 hours of constant blessings, i found myself repeating the words, and remembering that i said them last year, and sincerely thanking God that he has brought be through another year and i am able to say the same thing in even more confidence than before. God's faithfulness gives me hope for the future.
Here is how the day transpired.
I woke up and had a grand breakfast during a chit-chat with Katie, and then i spent my morning with the Lord until class started. After hearing Kihlstrom rant on about Spring Sing in his typical hilarious fashion, i went to Chapel. At the time, i thought this was the best gift i could receive on a birthday. I was given the opportunity to serve those whom i love so much and wash people's feet.
*Tangent
It caused me to think about which was harder for my pride to humble itself to, letting your feet be washed, or washing someone else's feet. For me it is the former. But true humility does not distinguish, it simply is lack of shame and pride in all circumstances, and being willing to accept and serve in all as well.
*End Tangent
But anyway, my heart broke this morning out of joy when i looked up into a few particular faces before i washed their feet. We were bonded a harmonious chord in the water as our hands and feet met, each providing love for the other to receive. I truly understood this when my feet were washed, not once, but twice. This experience in Chapel was heavy and rich, and i processing it is easier and justified just in the memory and accepting its vastness; as much as i would like to try to describe it, it doesn't need words to make it complete or fully understood.
Then i enjoyed good company with someone i had been meaning to catch up with, he treated me to a home cooked grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, it was delectable and much enjoyed. I then came back from his apartment to the Westmont library and spent the next hour and a half reading some of C.S. Lewis, could i have picked a better author for the day?
The next hour and a half was spent with a good friend, one i have much future hope for, one whom i love and care about much. We lifted some metal together and then enjoyed a run. This lead nicely into a Clark BBQ where i was met with many faces and cheers of happy birthdays. A burger and fruit salad never tasted so good then when your body is a bit sore and cotton mouth is creeping up. It was typical Clark BBQ, full of laughs, dancing, music, and just good ole chillin. Oh, and Korinne and i had quite a lot of fun figuring out what my invitation to Spring Formal is going to be.
Towards the end of the BBQ my brother showed up, and that was a pleasant surprise. We reconvened later that night after he listened to the lecture he came for and i did some studying. He left when it came time for Vida groups, and that's when the real trouble started...
We awaited for the arrival of a few members, cracking jokes and having a grand time. Pecos walks in the room and announces that he is going to give me "something." He had forewarned me about his giving earlier, and at this point i thought he was going to give me something really sweet that he made, like painting. So i stood to face him, and he asked me put my hands behind my back. I hesitated and asked him not to hit me in the groin, and then after his assurance i put them behind my back. At this point i had no idea what it was, and was racking my brain trying to figure out why my hands had to be behind my back for whatever he was going to give me. But immediately after my hands were halfway back behind me, they were grabbed and restrained by all of my guys that had showed up that night. And if you don't know the average height and weight in my section is about 6'2'' 200 lbs of muscle. So as much as i wanna convince myself that i could have gotten away, the fact is that the completely dominated me. Within a minute my hands were duct-tapped behind my back, my feet together, my eyes were blindfolded, and my mouth tapped shut (and at that moment i thanked God for Spring Sing, simply because it compelled me to shave). So after giving in and now fearing for my life that i will soon be tapped to a tree, or pantless, or dropped off a cliff like Aladdin (minus the genie), or all of the above which should give you the image a falling tree crying out for a lamp for help as it plummets into the oceans deep... Ya, thank God that didn't happen. Instead, i was hucked into the bed of Pecos' truck face down a sweatshirt (that was so nice of them), and then left to the company of Josh and the rushing wind which left me feeling quite vulnerable, especially when the whizzing increased and i realized that i was speeding in the back of an open bed on the freeway going 65+ miles an hour. At this point i didn't know whether we were headed North or South, all i knew was that i could easily be killed, and i was thankful to God for every moment thus far, and if i was going to die, then i was happy to go out this way and prepared to go home. But also, i thought of how hilarious it would be to be pulled over by the cops. I'll just let your imagination run with that one.
So when the car finally came to a halt, i was hoisted upon two men's shoulders and carried like a pig to a fire pit inside, where i heard many familiar voices and was so excited to know who and where i was. I was seated down and the blindfold was removed. Then before my eyes so many many faces of people whom i love appeared and rang out the charming melody of Happy Birthday. I looked around and caught a sign that said "Fro yo-yum-yum." So many unexpected faces as smiling back gave me such a great joy, the smile never left my face, and even when i returned i had to just sit alone and let my facial muscles relax. There have been times when i felt my heart grow warm, but in this moment, on this day, and the rest of the evening and even now as i type, my heart isn't just warm, its glowing like the coals you love to roast marshmallows on. The coals coals that glow and you feel at any moment the touch of them upon any material would set it a blaze, and the beauty of a flame would strike up. I think that's maybe a better metaphor for us as Christians that fire. We are coals, and we ignite each other when in community. I'm not going to expand that much more right now, but i hope to live that way, that i would be so joyful inside, that i would ignite with every interaction.
The night concluded with a very joyous CRAM (Clark RA meeting), in which we all shared cake, and talked about middle names a residence business, typical random awesome RA stuff. I'm glad i got to see them, i love them very much. So now i sit in bed, reveling in this most excellent day. A day which, as if the ridiculous number of text messages and facebook comments wasn't enough, i was reminded that i am severely loved by people, and through them, severely loved by God. But, i think the most important part of the day came in Chapel, the time when Christ was focused on, and we as a body came together in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and without him, this day would have never been this way, God's holiness, love, redemption was truly evident on this day.
Here is how the day transpired.
I woke up and had a grand breakfast during a chit-chat with Katie, and then i spent my morning with the Lord until class started. After hearing Kihlstrom rant on about Spring Sing in his typical hilarious fashion, i went to Chapel. At the time, i thought this was the best gift i could receive on a birthday. I was given the opportunity to serve those whom i love so much and wash people's feet.
*Tangent
It caused me to think about which was harder for my pride to humble itself to, letting your feet be washed, or washing someone else's feet. For me it is the former. But true humility does not distinguish, it simply is lack of shame and pride in all circumstances, and being willing to accept and serve in all as well.
*End Tangent
But anyway, my heart broke this morning out of joy when i looked up into a few particular faces before i washed their feet. We were bonded a harmonious chord in the water as our hands and feet met, each providing love for the other to receive. I truly understood this when my feet were washed, not once, but twice. This experience in Chapel was heavy and rich, and i processing it is easier and justified just in the memory and accepting its vastness; as much as i would like to try to describe it, it doesn't need words to make it complete or fully understood.
Then i enjoyed good company with someone i had been meaning to catch up with, he treated me to a home cooked grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, it was delectable and much enjoyed. I then came back from his apartment to the Westmont library and spent the next hour and a half reading some of C.S. Lewis, could i have picked a better author for the day?
The next hour and a half was spent with a good friend, one i have much future hope for, one whom i love and care about much. We lifted some metal together and then enjoyed a run. This lead nicely into a Clark BBQ where i was met with many faces and cheers of happy birthdays. A burger and fruit salad never tasted so good then when your body is a bit sore and cotton mouth is creeping up. It was typical Clark BBQ, full of laughs, dancing, music, and just good ole chillin. Oh, and Korinne and i had quite a lot of fun figuring out what my invitation to Spring Formal is going to be.
Towards the end of the BBQ my brother showed up, and that was a pleasant surprise. We reconvened later that night after he listened to the lecture he came for and i did some studying. He left when it came time for Vida groups, and that's when the real trouble started...
We awaited for the arrival of a few members, cracking jokes and having a grand time. Pecos walks in the room and announces that he is going to give me "something." He had forewarned me about his giving earlier, and at this point i thought he was going to give me something really sweet that he made, like painting. So i stood to face him, and he asked me put my hands behind my back. I hesitated and asked him not to hit me in the groin, and then after his assurance i put them behind my back. At this point i had no idea what it was, and was racking my brain trying to figure out why my hands had to be behind my back for whatever he was going to give me. But immediately after my hands were halfway back behind me, they were grabbed and restrained by all of my guys that had showed up that night. And if you don't know the average height and weight in my section is about 6'2'' 200 lbs of muscle. So as much as i wanna convince myself that i could have gotten away, the fact is that the completely dominated me. Within a minute my hands were duct-tapped behind my back, my feet together, my eyes were blindfolded, and my mouth tapped shut (and at that moment i thanked God for Spring Sing, simply because it compelled me to shave). So after giving in and now fearing for my life that i will soon be tapped to a tree, or pantless, or dropped off a cliff like Aladdin (minus the genie), or all of the above which should give you the image a falling tree crying out for a lamp for help as it plummets into the oceans deep... Ya, thank God that didn't happen. Instead, i was hucked into the bed of Pecos' truck face down a sweatshirt (that was so nice of them), and then left to the company of Josh and the rushing wind which left me feeling quite vulnerable, especially when the whizzing increased and i realized that i was speeding in the back of an open bed on the freeway going 65+ miles an hour. At this point i didn't know whether we were headed North or South, all i knew was that i could easily be killed, and i was thankful to God for every moment thus far, and if i was going to die, then i was happy to go out this way and prepared to go home. But also, i thought of how hilarious it would be to be pulled over by the cops. I'll just let your imagination run with that one.
So when the car finally came to a halt, i was hoisted upon two men's shoulders and carried like a pig to a fire pit inside, where i heard many familiar voices and was so excited to know who and where i was. I was seated down and the blindfold was removed. Then before my eyes so many many faces of people whom i love appeared and rang out the charming melody of Happy Birthday. I looked around and caught a sign that said "Fro yo-yum-yum." So many unexpected faces as smiling back gave me such a great joy, the smile never left my face, and even when i returned i had to just sit alone and let my facial muscles relax. There have been times when i felt my heart grow warm, but in this moment, on this day, and the rest of the evening and even now as i type, my heart isn't just warm, its glowing like the coals you love to roast marshmallows on. The coals coals that glow and you feel at any moment the touch of them upon any material would set it a blaze, and the beauty of a flame would strike up. I think that's maybe a better metaphor for us as Christians that fire. We are coals, and we ignite each other when in community. I'm not going to expand that much more right now, but i hope to live that way, that i would be so joyful inside, that i would ignite with every interaction.
The night concluded with a very joyous CRAM (Clark RA meeting), in which we all shared cake, and talked about middle names a residence business, typical random awesome RA stuff. I'm glad i got to see them, i love them very much. So now i sit in bed, reveling in this most excellent day. A day which, as if the ridiculous number of text messages and facebook comments wasn't enough, i was reminded that i am severely loved by people, and through them, severely loved by God. But, i think the most important part of the day came in Chapel, the time when Christ was focused on, and we as a body came together in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and without him, this day would have never been this way, God's holiness, love, redemption was truly evident on this day.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Drums...
Ok, so somebody left a marching drum in our hall sometime during dinner. I leave and return to find a white yamaha bass marching drum standing up in front of my door. So many questions immediately came to mine, such as "what sort of kind hearted individual would choose to bless the men of G with such a magnificent instrument of glory? what am i supposed to do with this drum? why did they refuse to leave mallets? what the heck am i going to do with this? where did it come from? does the yamaha factory family miss their long lost brother (or sister)? what the frick am i going to do with this drum????!!!!" I then rolled the drum into my room for safe keeping and part time storage. As i returned from a nights activities including Vespers, and hangout/music making in the Borden's room complete with a chant i have entitled "where are the women/sausage... fest!" which lasted a grand total of 5 minutes (the 5 minutes Annie Mason was missing from our presence).
So now i sit, inspired once more to articulate the life of Tom Shank via blog. I came back back to G and rolled the drum out of my room to resist the temptation to bang on it all night and to avoid the danger of stubbing my toesies on it in the morning. I am awaiting a night of wrestles sleep due to the countless gunshots which no doubt are decapitating countless zombies on the TV on the other side of the wall, and the sporadic banging of the drum, which has already had its first encounter with Lucas i believe. Nick came out and documented it, God bless his soul, and then continued to run with an elaborate story which eventually led to dubbing our new prized possession, "The gnome drum" (it is an extended inside joke). Welp, goodnight, and God Bless you all.
So now i sit, inspired once more to articulate the life of Tom Shank via blog. I came back back to G and rolled the drum out of my room to resist the temptation to bang on it all night and to avoid the danger of stubbing my toesies on it in the morning. I am awaiting a night of wrestles sleep due to the countless gunshots which no doubt are decapitating countless zombies on the TV on the other side of the wall, and the sporadic banging of the drum, which has already had its first encounter with Lucas i believe. Nick came out and documented it, God bless his soul, and then continued to run with an elaborate story which eventually led to dubbing our new prized possession, "The gnome drum" (it is an extended inside joke). Welp, goodnight, and God Bless you all.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
"You Look Horrible"
Ok, so here is whats up. The last 4 days i have been sick. Everytime i lay my head to my couches armrest it snuggles up to and whispers, "no don't go... you are sick, just a little longer..." And typically my response has been, "Ya, you are right, i'm sick, i deserve to rest and let my body get recover, but just for an hour of nap." I don't know if i am using this sickness as an excuse to be lazy and mop around with hunched shoulders as i walk from the soup station in the DC back to my room. I think it hits harder at different moments. Either way, this is the first time being sick this year, and it suuuucks.
Last night i took some night-quil (sp?) for the first time, great and bad decision. I zonked out immediately, and again when i awoke, my pillow whispered the same thing to my as my couch, I can't believe it!! THEY ARE IN KAHOOTS WITH EACH OTHER!!! Except i think the pillow is a more vicious enemy. Its strength is weaker, it only postponed my day 17 minutes instead of 60, but its timing is impeccable, for i was seven minutes late to proctoring Dr. Longman's OT test. I practically fell out of bed, into my shoes, and found the same clothes as yesterday (minus the pj pants). I walked in to a silent classroom, and no Dr. Longman, and i thought, "well, this could be really good or really bad." He showed up 5 minutes later and walked in and the first thing he said was, "You look horrible."
(Digression)
This is the second time someone a professor has told me verbatim, "You look horrible", and it was senior year, but of highschool. I had pulled an all nighter writing my poetry anthology in the typical Thomas fashion. But this time, he sent me home after i laid on the ground in the back and passed out for the the first 30 minutes. I love good ole Mr. Moses and the good times Brian Pancoast and i had there. But he and that class is another story altogether, another 50 stories altogether.
(And were back)
Even though as i sat there in front of Longman realizing that i'm not feeling too horrible, and have certainly felt worse, i gave in anyway and said, "ya i'll probably be skipping classes today." And then followed up with, "I'm going to stay though, i need the money."
So now here I sit in front of 60 students. None of them realize that i am writing this blog, that girl in the corner doesn't know i just looked at her, and neither does that guy, oh there we go, i got some eye contact! Proctoring exams is fun, its kinda weird too, they assume that the subprof knows everything... i might flunk the test if i took it... na i'de probably get a C, but still, i almost want to tell them all... but that wouldn't do anything. Ok, that concludes this blog. I am going to end on a sober and sad note though. I am going to be praying today about still going on PC. At this moment, its a no, but we'll see what the day brings.
Last night i took some night-quil (sp?) for the first time, great and bad decision. I zonked out immediately, and again when i awoke, my pillow whispered the same thing to my as my couch, I can't believe it!! THEY ARE IN KAHOOTS WITH EACH OTHER!!! Except i think the pillow is a more vicious enemy. Its strength is weaker, it only postponed my day 17 minutes instead of 60, but its timing is impeccable, for i was seven minutes late to proctoring Dr. Longman's OT test. I practically fell out of bed, into my shoes, and found the same clothes as yesterday (minus the pj pants). I walked in to a silent classroom, and no Dr. Longman, and i thought, "well, this could be really good or really bad." He showed up 5 minutes later and walked in and the first thing he said was, "You look horrible."
(Digression)
This is the second time someone a professor has told me verbatim, "You look horrible", and it was senior year, but of highschool. I had pulled an all nighter writing my poetry anthology in the typical Thomas fashion. But this time, he sent me home after i laid on the ground in the back and passed out for the the first 30 minutes. I love good ole Mr. Moses and the good times Brian Pancoast and i had there. But he and that class is another story altogether, another 50 stories altogether.
(And were back)
Even though as i sat there in front of Longman realizing that i'm not feeling too horrible, and have certainly felt worse, i gave in anyway and said, "ya i'll probably be skipping classes today." And then followed up with, "I'm going to stay though, i need the money."
So now here I sit in front of 60 students. None of them realize that i am writing this blog, that girl in the corner doesn't know i just looked at her, and neither does that guy, oh there we go, i got some eye contact! Proctoring exams is fun, its kinda weird too, they assume that the subprof knows everything... i might flunk the test if i took it... na i'de probably get a C, but still, i almost want to tell them all... but that wouldn't do anything. Ok, that concludes this blog. I am going to end on a sober and sad note though. I am going to be praying today about still going on PC. At this moment, its a no, but we'll see what the day brings.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Passion's Conference of enemies and oppressed.
"You must make your heart a spiritual temple, a temple where you can go to adore Him incessantly"
These are the words of Brother Lawrence in Practicing the Presence of God. They caused me to reflect of a theme that came up this week. By a various different people i was given the encouraging words, "Tom, you have a good heart, a caring heart." I think Mark, Aimee, Amanda, and probably one other person told me this. It meant the world to me; its incredible what an encouraging word will do for a person, particularly in times of doubt. But all this talk about heart caused me to reflect on an instance that happened a few weeks ago (mid/late January) last year.
Beau, Arianna, Courtney, Tim, Pecos, Matt Miller, and others all went to Passion conference together. On the second day we were walking towards the staples center in downtown LA when we saw a fairly disheveled man get chased and yelled at by another well kept looking man, with certainly more anger. Tim reached out with a call to stop the better kept man from chasing and verbally abusing the other man. I, not wanting to have conflict, told Tim to stop and encouraged him to let the men be and keep walking. After a week of recalling that moment and feeling convicted that my actions were not out of a compassionate heart that hates injustice (1 Cor 13.), i found Tim in the DC back at Westmont and told him that i thought he was right in trying to stop that man.
Now the moment comes back to me, and i am struck again, for when the weak are protected, a hatred towards the afflicting creeps up. But that is not the heart of Jesus either, or Steven, or any of the other formed apostles for that matter. They loved even those who persecuted in much more atrocious ways then the well kept man. I should yes recognize that the LA conflict had lines of injustice and should seek to defend those patronized, for wh
atever reason, but i should also recognize that the man patronizing is loved just as much, and probably more (Luke 8). I, and we as Christians, should have pity on those who afflict, for their hurt and brutal anger is just as much in need of healing and grace, as the heart of the afflicted. We should love our enemies, those who hate, as much as those who are hated. This is much more true only if Jesus truly loves all people, and all everyone has a chance of heavenly life... I'm still working through that right now... and probably will be for a long time coming.
These are the words of Brother Lawrence in Practicing the Presence of God. They caused me to reflect of a theme that came up this week. By a various different people i was given the encouraging words, "Tom, you have a good heart, a caring heart." I think Mark, Aimee, Amanda, and probably one other person told me this. It meant the world to me; its incredible what an encouraging word will do for a person, particularly in times of doubt. But all this talk about heart caused me to reflect on an instance that happened a few weeks ago (mid/late January) last year.
Beau, Arianna, Courtney, Tim, Pecos, Matt Miller, and others all went to Passion conference together. On the second day we were walking towards the staples center in downtown LA when we saw a fairly disheveled man get chased and yelled at by another well kept looking man, with certainly more anger. Tim reached out with a call to stop the better kept man from chasing and verbally abusing the other man. I, not wanting to have conflict, told Tim to stop and encouraged him to let the men be and keep walking. After a week of recalling that moment and feeling convicted that my actions were not out of a compassionate heart that hates injustice (1 Cor 13.), i found Tim in the DC back at Westmont and told him that i thought he was right in trying to stop that man.
Now the moment comes back to me, and i am struck again, for when the weak are protected, a hatred towards the afflicting creeps up. But that is not the heart of Jesus either, or Steven, or any of the other formed apostles for that matter. They loved even those who persecuted in much more atrocious ways then the well kept man. I should yes recognize that the LA conflict had lines of injustice and should seek to defend those patronized, for wh
atever reason, but i should also recognize that the man patronizing is loved just as much, and probably more (Luke 8). I, and we as Christians, should have pity on those who afflict, for their hurt and brutal anger is just as much in need of healing and grace, as the heart of the afflicted. We should love our enemies, those who hate, as much as those who are hated. This is much more true only if Jesus truly loves all people, and all everyone has a chance of heavenly life... I'm still working through that right now... and probably will be for a long time coming.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Beginning of the End
Wow, im sorry ya'll, i had envisioned this blog being kept more up to speed. But i guess somethings are sacrificed when you are in college.
So my last semester of College started... dang. This is a crazy thought. I never imagined me saying that, and i still don't touch the reality of it. But honestly, i think this has been one of the absolute best starts to any of my semesters. In all areas of my life. Mostly though i have learned the importance of these aspects: prayer, humility, discipline, honesty, trust, and confidence. The proper action of these things in my life has really shaped it events for the better.
Since i have been back in school, i have been on 4 planes, went from 75 degrees full of beaches and sunshine to 12 degrees of cold snow in the same day (traveled to Boston and back), been in a wedding, read multiple books, got a new computer, taken up swimming and am almost starting to enjoy it, gone through a mature heartbreak and recovered, and been shamed by my sin. I am loving my classes this semester and i have been engaged in the class periods and outside materials. Steve Denler and I just sent in applications to AIM (Africa Inland Mission) and are eager to see what God is going to do. What a good life this is!
I think i had some profound thoughts i wanted to write about earlier, and also wanted to write in detail about my Boston trip, but its too far in the past for me to try and recount many details. All i have is praise and a request for mercy. Amen
PS: Here is a cheezy, rudimentary poem i wrote to the couple i sat with on my way to Boston.
The Couple
A 50 years young couple sits next to me.
Yet, only an eighth of those together.
Their prolonged joy is seen and resonates on the others cheek with every kiss.
With Red-Sox accents they speak,
but with googley eyes they communicate.
First encountering each other through the sport of cycling,
but first knowing each other after their wheels were placed on each others fingers.
Together they ride the bike of timeless romance and love,
till death does its part.
So my last semester of College started... dang. This is a crazy thought. I never imagined me saying that, and i still don't touch the reality of it. But honestly, i think this has been one of the absolute best starts to any of my semesters. In all areas of my life. Mostly though i have learned the importance of these aspects: prayer, humility, discipline, honesty, trust, and confidence. The proper action of these things in my life has really shaped it events for the better.
Since i have been back in school, i have been on 4 planes, went from 75 degrees full of beaches and sunshine to 12 degrees of cold snow in the same day (traveled to Boston and back), been in a wedding, read multiple books, got a new computer, taken up swimming and am almost starting to enjoy it, gone through a mature heartbreak and recovered, and been shamed by my sin. I am loving my classes this semester and i have been engaged in the class periods and outside materials. Steve Denler and I just sent in applications to AIM (Africa Inland Mission) and are eager to see what God is going to do. What a good life this is!
I think i had some profound thoughts i wanted to write about earlier, and also wanted to write in detail about my Boston trip, but its too far in the past for me to try and recount many details. All i have is praise and a request for mercy. Amen
PS: Here is a cheezy, rudimentary poem i wrote to the couple i sat with on my way to Boston.
The Couple
A 50 years young couple sits next to me.
Yet, only an eighth of those together.
Their prolonged joy is seen and resonates on the others cheek with every kiss.
With Red-Sox accents they speak,
but with googley eyes they communicate.
First encountering each other through the sport of cycling,
but first knowing each other after their wheels were placed on each others fingers.
Together they ride the bike of timeless romance and love,
till death does its part.
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