It has been over a month since my last blog. I don't know why, I've played all kinds of positions on the baseball diamond of life over the past month. Surely there has been some worth while thoughts worth recording, i don't know why they never got their blogging recognition. But i finally figured that i needed to get back into the habit, especially if i am planning to keep a steady, organized, and thorough blog while i am in Africa; i should get some practice now, at least habitually. So here goes the beginning of a habit (they say that psychologically it takes 30 days to create a habit... i always thought it was seven repetitions... oh well, either way, raise your glass with me as i begin and toast to habitual blogging!)
The last few days I have been pondering a question we must all ponder if we are to call ourselves Christians. Where is Jesus? How do I love Him now, today?
I walked along the beach yesterday pondering this question while waves crashed and proved a distraction for my senses, allowing my mind to run freely. "If only Jesus was still visible!" I said. If He had a physical body, if i could talk to him, if i could feed him, it would be so easy! I can serve my apartments by cleaning the house or kitchen, but i can't even do that for my King and Savior? Do we as a culture even know the fullness of Kingship if we live in a culture that is anti-serfdom. That's a tangent for another day, maybe tomorrow's blog? Anyway, why is it that i readily move grease from the stove-top to the paper towel, and then the trash out of love of cleanliness and my friends well-beings, but can't i can't figure out how to love Jesus?
Then, alike the arrival of golden toast, the epiphany flies and settles on the springs of my cortex. Didn't Jesus break the bread, and call it his body? Whoa... that takes toast to a whole new level... No stop it Thomas, get back on topic. Okay wait, His body is the Church right? Well shoot, what are his eyes? His eye's are all those who believe? But what about God sending rain on the righteous and unrighteous? Uh, is God's body everyone? Or the Church? The Church is his body, but God loves all, being apart of a body is a choice... maybe...
An angler throws his lure, preferably fly, into a pool of water. He places it in that spot because he can sense, or see the shadow of a fish just below the shimmering surface. He longs for the fish to follow curiosity and hook its snout, he longs to get a glimpse and experience the being he has sought and hunted with skill, he longs for his own curiosity to be satisfied. It is with that same longing that i have longed to see the eyes of Jesus. But i am beginning to believe that when i gaze into eyes of another person, i see the eyes of God, I see Jesus' eyes, the body of Christ. The metaphor is less metaphysical than i assumed. I hope to make this a reality.
When i was younger (ha) I believed a line to be true. To butcher it politely, it went something like this, "The confident, the strong look people in the eyes when you talk to them. It shows respect." Somehow over the years i lost the ability to hold a gaze. When I look someone straight in the eyes i feel something, I'm almost scared. It's almost sacred. I can't explain it. But I think it shows love. Its hard for me to look someone in the eyes continuously, while simultaneously speaking. But i will try. Pecos does this well, he always has, and when he does not, i know there is something wrong. To me, love is bold, Jesus is bold. To look someone in the eyes and understand that those are Christ's eyes peering back at you, is bold. Lets see how this goes.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
A taste of Maui
Amidst many adventures that vary from:
cliff, house and rock jumping,
beach-slip and sliding,
island camping,
bbq and bon-firing,
midnight cave diving,
vivid snorkeling,
illegal turtle hugging,
being molested by a turtle (that is a story for another time),
spear fishing,
paddle boarding,
outrigger canoeing,
hiking, and
golfing,
there had been one remaining experience i craved.
That experience, was to be in a serene moment on a beach, engulfed in sunshine while watching the engulfer set upon the endless ocean, resting topless on a lawn chair, sand between the toes, and margarita resting in hand. Today that happened, and the smoke from my ash-ended cigar held in opposite hand of the margarita, exceeded the moment, and solidified the momery. There I sat with with the bearings of my creation on each side of me, mother on the left and father on the right. We sat nestled in under a tin roof that was pinnacle of the cove, and directly across from us the sun sat behind an island, igniting the sky. Competition with the conversation was provided by each clear blue wave as it softly crashed on the shore. This is moment, the idealistic moment, was made a reality, and all at once, i knew i was on and at the end of my vacation.
So now i lay less than 30 yards from that same beach, nestled on a friends couch, watching geckos discover the ceiling amongst the cover of a dark night. The stars are bright, and i will watch them until the hourly shower of rain comes, then go back inside and sleep until another day of tropical amusement is brought to life by the sun. That is, if the children that also live in this house don't wake earlier and decide they want another early morning wrestling match.
I still have one more day, then as the locals say, "Back to the mainland ya? Shoots."
Thank you God. Thank you God.
Oh and did i forget to mention that i just realized yesterday after being here for 6 days that i am three hours behind California, not ahead... wow...
cliff, house and rock jumping,
beach-slip and sliding,
island camping,
bbq and bon-firing,
midnight cave diving,
vivid snorkeling,
illegal turtle hugging,
being molested by a turtle (that is a story for another time),
spear fishing,
paddle boarding,
outrigger canoeing,
hiking, and
golfing,
there had been one remaining experience i craved.
That experience, was to be in a serene moment on a beach, engulfed in sunshine while watching the engulfer set upon the endless ocean, resting topless on a lawn chair, sand between the toes, and margarita resting in hand. Today that happened, and the smoke from my ash-ended cigar held in opposite hand of the margarita, exceeded the moment, and solidified the momery. There I sat with with the bearings of my creation on each side of me, mother on the left and father on the right. We sat nestled in under a tin roof that was pinnacle of the cove, and directly across from us the sun sat behind an island, igniting the sky. Competition with the conversation was provided by each clear blue wave as it softly crashed on the shore. This is moment, the idealistic moment, was made a reality, and all at once, i knew i was on and at the end of my vacation.
So now i lay less than 30 yards from that same beach, nestled on a friends couch, watching geckos discover the ceiling amongst the cover of a dark night. The stars are bright, and i will watch them until the hourly shower of rain comes, then go back inside and sleep until another day of tropical amusement is brought to life by the sun. That is, if the children that also live in this house don't wake earlier and decide they want another early morning wrestling match.
I still have one more day, then as the locals say, "Back to the mainland ya? Shoots."
Thank you God. Thank you God.
Oh and did i forget to mention that i just realized yesterday after being here for 6 days that i am three hours behind California, not ahead... wow...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
A moment of humor.
Work is changing. This week there was a lot more chitchat in the trailer between my boss, a subcontractor, and myself this week. There was one moment that stands out above the others.
Inside our dusty trailer my boss and i were reclined and talking about something or other. I'm not really sure what; it could have been anything under the sun including current events, previous crazy experiences, funny stories, a joke, or something legitimately concerning our job site. Basically, we were "BS-ing" as usual (which is actually more educational than you would think).
My boss BS-es a lot, and with just about everybody. But that is one of his very effective tricks in supervising. You see, when a story is shared between two people, particularly people on different levels of business hierarchy (i.e. a boss and employee), there is an interesting connection that forms. BS-ing usually results in the listener of the story liking and feeling more comfortable with the teller. But the teller (usually the boss) still feels no pity to lessen any business or load of duty, simply because a story has been told, this still leaves him ultimately in control (or he has "Hand" as they would say in Seinfeld). Neither feel particularly close to one another after the story, nor do they even like each other more. Its a way of creating a business relationship. Nothing personal is shared and your remain fairly invulnerable to the other party. Your guts aren't spilled and nor is there often a lesson taught or a point disputed. A simple eccentric story is told, and usually the characters might as well have aliases. The story simply creates ground to interact with each other on, without necessitating a liking, nor negating or confusing possible roles. This is very key, for once the line of friendship is possibly breached, things become complicated. One party feels more comfortable to antagonize, argue, or simply deny a request. A party also can feel like more compelled to comply with a request, but this is rare. But when enough BS-ing does go on between one party or another, a friendship can be formed. My boss is included in enough of the stories he tells me that i have actually gotten to know him quite well. This is probably because i would because i have already shown my faithful obedience to the job and there is no fear in crossing the "danger friend zone" in the relationship. Otherwise i would probably lose my job, if ever chose to refuse orders.
So during one of these moments after lunch, Steve the framer stepped into the trailer with his toothless grin and looked at us both. Steve often comes in stealing food or just looking for a joke or a light of a smoke. He is a comical fellow, and always welcome. My boss said smirkingly, "What do you want?"
Steve replied, "I want some of your peanuts."
I responded, "You're always after someone's peanuts." At first they both grinned and were a bit shocked, for this was one of the first times i and divulged my humour to them. Then they both went into a large belly laugh, the kind that warms the heart and reminds children of Santa Clause. Steve, even amongst being the butt of the joke, turned and reached his hand out to be clasped in a manly, congratulatory way. I accepted it.
Inside our dusty trailer my boss and i were reclined and talking about something or other. I'm not really sure what; it could have been anything under the sun including current events, previous crazy experiences, funny stories, a joke, or something legitimately concerning our job site. Basically, we were "BS-ing" as usual (which is actually more educational than you would think).
My boss BS-es a lot, and with just about everybody. But that is one of his very effective tricks in supervising. You see, when a story is shared between two people, particularly people on different levels of business hierarchy (i.e. a boss and employee), there is an interesting connection that forms. BS-ing usually results in the listener of the story liking and feeling more comfortable with the teller. But the teller (usually the boss) still feels no pity to lessen any business or load of duty, simply because a story has been told, this still leaves him ultimately in control (or he has "Hand" as they would say in Seinfeld). Neither feel particularly close to one another after the story, nor do they even like each other more. Its a way of creating a business relationship. Nothing personal is shared and your remain fairly invulnerable to the other party. Your guts aren't spilled and nor is there often a lesson taught or a point disputed. A simple eccentric story is told, and usually the characters might as well have aliases. The story simply creates ground to interact with each other on, without necessitating a liking, nor negating or confusing possible roles. This is very key, for once the line of friendship is possibly breached, things become complicated. One party feels more comfortable to antagonize, argue, or simply deny a request. A party also can feel like more compelled to comply with a request, but this is rare. But when enough BS-ing does go on between one party or another, a friendship can be formed. My boss is included in enough of the stories he tells me that i have actually gotten to know him quite well. This is probably because i would because i have already shown my faithful obedience to the job and there is no fear in crossing the "danger friend zone" in the relationship. Otherwise i would probably lose my job, if ever chose to refuse orders.
So during one of these moments after lunch, Steve the framer stepped into the trailer with his toothless grin and looked at us both. Steve often comes in stealing food or just looking for a joke or a light of a smoke. He is a comical fellow, and always welcome. My boss said smirkingly, "What do you want?"
Steve replied, "I want some of your peanuts."
I responded, "You're always after someone's peanuts." At first they both grinned and were a bit shocked, for this was one of the first times i and divulged my humour to them. Then they both went into a large belly laugh, the kind that warms the heart and reminds children of Santa Clause. Steve, even amongst being the butt of the joke, turned and reached his hand out to be clasped in a manly, congratulatory way. I accepted it.
Monday, June 15, 2009
bracelet
Today is that day. The day when a fresh cycle of style begins. The day when a part of me feels cold and naked. A day when I long simultaneously for the newness and aged relationship between me and a friend. Today is that day when I cut the bracelet, revealing a full four season's worth of solid tan-line. Alike the lazy circular form that hung from my wrist, change is a continuous and never ending cycle. After a certain distance we are accustom to the change, and then it only becomes a pattern, and is again repeated. Today is the day when i cut my actual bracelet. Memories are still present, but the reminder is not. The compliments will still come, just not from that old attention grabber. I hope to reconstruct a replica soon, so the cycle can begin again.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Home to house to house to Home
Well world, I am back, burned red, and set for action. The past week has been a bit hypocritical. The places that I was expecting to find relaxing only provided and fulfilled opportunity to be busy, and relaxation too the back seat. First, i was home for the sister's high school graduation. If you have been back to your old high school, you probably know the awkward, nostalgic feeling that it is. But it was a little hectic with her party and everything. So i drove home with my brother and arrived about 10pm, spent twenty minutes at my apartment to collect my things, and then went over to begin my house sit at Tremper Longman's house. I dubbed their enormous and well fu(e)rnished garden (its a pun, get it...) "The Garden of Eden" and their blooming plum tree "The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil." Oh how i love R.S. nerd jokes. The 20 plus year old structure, cleanliness, and antique decorations thoroughly reminded me of my grandparents house. But the dog livened things up with its constant golden retriever energy. It was a blessing to be in a house and know the experience of the comfort of your own home filled with a luscious garden. The flip side to that is the upkeep of the garden, which is actually well worth it. I ended up not relaxing there as much as i expected. I had many accompaniments thoughout the week, sharing a good thing makes it a great thing. There are so many things i could say about that week, but I have only come to a few conclusions. 1) I want a hot tub when I have my own home. 2) I want a dog, but I'm not sure i want a golden retriever, since while walking their dog i was kindly reminded by an elderly lady that the dog matches my hair. 3) I want fruit trees in a my yard. 4) People make a house a home. 5) Dr. Longman is awesome, and so is his living establishment.
Leaving many many fun details aside, I have finally found my rest back in my lovely apartment in Carpinteria.
PS: Read "The Brothers K" It will make you LOL, cry, and then want to do it again... and your wish will be fulfilled in a surprising way.
Leaving many many fun details aside, I have finally found my rest back in my lovely apartment in Carpinteria.
PS: Read "The Brothers K" It will make you LOL, cry, and then want to do it again... and your wish will be fulfilled in a surprising way.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Few Poems
Ok, so i was sitting at the beach today soaking in the blessing of serenity and calmness that lies a 60 second walk away from me. Here are my observations amidst enjoying a splendorous book.
Two Poems:
My first look up
Wind tickles the hair of my chest.
While white wings like lightening plunge their beaks into the sea,
an orange orb ducks behind a tree to hide it's beams.
I looked left as saw a couple at work
A pair waddle like penguins,
water rushes inches from their shuffle,
but their synchronous swing pervades
the rhythmic waves,
of salt water
and large portioned diets.
Two Poems:
My first look up
Wind tickles the hair of my chest.
While white wings like lightening plunge their beaks into the sea,
an orange orb ducks behind a tree to hide it's beams.
I looked left as saw a couple at work
A pair waddle like penguins,
water rushes inches from their shuffle,
but their synchronous swing pervades
the rhythmic waves,
of salt water
and large portioned diets.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
7 days travelled past the fork... i shoulda picked it up
Howdie,
Here i sit sprawled across my living room floor in my brand new apartment. I am living with a solid crew, Rhyno, Engleman, Diva Drew, Johnny C, Craigory, and we had the honor of Robby G's presence for a little, but he drove to our home in Sac this morning. The apartment is awesome, cheap, a 25 second walk from the beach (which i plan to take full advantage of), soon to be fully furnished, relaxing and lively all at once, and spacious shown even in fact that we have two bathrooms for the six of us (better ratios than Westmont). I am definitely feeling the May gloom, and wish the sun would come out and brighten my life, but i guess to play on a cheesy metaphor, the Son came out 2000 years ago, and i need to remember that and allow the rays of His spirit to brighten my life... but common on Big Yellow, get the picture and push those clouds out of the way, bring the heat!
It has been a very difficult week, i am understanding the anxiety of life in a world where you are dependant on the money an occupation to live, to survive. Of course i could go and be a world traveller, paying next to nothing and living with next to nothing, but that stage may come in time, probably in 4 months when i leave to Africa. For now, it is good to know, feel, and understand the reality of this anxiety, and relate to the rest of the working world, which holds the majority of the population strongly, so that i can better love and minister to those people. That has been a great challenge thus far, having the courage, confidence, and love to serve those who i am working with at the constructions sites. For those of you that don't know, i am the assistant superintendent at the construction of the faculties home's near Westmont. It is a blessing to have a job, but it would also be a blessings to actually have some work that i felt useful at, and my well-spring of potential being tapped. That will take some patience, and i must continue to seek God in this time, and love Him and the people around me more than ever. Simply because it is the hardest time to do so, and at those difficult moments, when you have one hand on the tip of the cliff and your body flailing below, when that hand is most important. Right now, faith, service, diligence, concentration, trust, patience, and every spiritual discipline of Christianity, is that hand. I'm glad Christ is the rock i am grasped to. Maybe the metaphor would be more accurate if Christ was on top of the cliff and grasped firm to my forearm, for our God is a living and moving God.
All that being said, i miss Westmont already. I am not having withdrawals, but i do sincerely miss it. I know that the one thing i will continually miss is Chapel, and the walks around campus. I know that currently, miss my RA Staff, my guys, the classes, and the freedom to be constrained in our schedule. I am finding that those who clog their schedules at Westmont, whom i am apart of, are actually expressing their freedom righteously, for later in life we are unable to clog our schedule with such blessed things that Westmont offers, and taking advantage of them is wise. I can't wait for the day when i get that freedom again. I think it will come most weekends, and in Africa. More details on the Africa trip are pending, and will be unfolded in good time.
Book references: A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanouken (including letters from C.S. Lewis); 1 and 2 Timothy by St. Paul
Current Reading: The Brothers K by David James Duncan
PS: I get to house sit/dog sit at Tremper Longman's house. I can't wait. I think if i was going to go to seminary right now, i would go into Old Testament Studies. I am realizing that i am really interested and like that stuff a lot. I should have understood this last year when i took my OT class.
Question to all you graduates: What two major's w0uld you take if you could do Westmont again. My answer, after much deliberation, would be English and Kinesiology
Current Favorite Qoute: "It is not who you know, but whome you know." Unknown
Here i sit sprawled across my living room floor in my brand new apartment. I am living with a solid crew, Rhyno, Engleman, Diva Drew, Johnny C, Craigory, and we had the honor of Robby G's presence for a little, but he drove to our home in Sac this morning. The apartment is awesome, cheap, a 25 second walk from the beach (which i plan to take full advantage of), soon to be fully furnished, relaxing and lively all at once, and spacious shown even in fact that we have two bathrooms for the six of us (better ratios than Westmont). I am definitely feeling the May gloom, and wish the sun would come out and brighten my life, but i guess to play on a cheesy metaphor, the Son came out 2000 years ago, and i need to remember that and allow the rays of His spirit to brighten my life... but common on Big Yellow, get the picture and push those clouds out of the way, bring the heat!
It has been a very difficult week, i am understanding the anxiety of life in a world where you are dependant on the money an occupation to live, to survive. Of course i could go and be a world traveller, paying next to nothing and living with next to nothing, but that stage may come in time, probably in 4 months when i leave to Africa. For now, it is good to know, feel, and understand the reality of this anxiety, and relate to the rest of the working world, which holds the majority of the population strongly, so that i can better love and minister to those people. That has been a great challenge thus far, having the courage, confidence, and love to serve those who i am working with at the constructions sites. For those of you that don't know, i am the assistant superintendent at the construction of the faculties home's near Westmont. It is a blessing to have a job, but it would also be a blessings to actually have some work that i felt useful at, and my well-spring of potential being tapped. That will take some patience, and i must continue to seek God in this time, and love Him and the people around me more than ever. Simply because it is the hardest time to do so, and at those difficult moments, when you have one hand on the tip of the cliff and your body flailing below, when that hand is most important. Right now, faith, service, diligence, concentration, trust, patience, and every spiritual discipline of Christianity, is that hand. I'm glad Christ is the rock i am grasped to. Maybe the metaphor would be more accurate if Christ was on top of the cliff and grasped firm to my forearm, for our God is a living and moving God.
All that being said, i miss Westmont already. I am not having withdrawals, but i do sincerely miss it. I know that the one thing i will continually miss is Chapel, and the walks around campus. I know that currently, miss my RA Staff, my guys, the classes, and the freedom to be constrained in our schedule. I am finding that those who clog their schedules at Westmont, whom i am apart of, are actually expressing their freedom righteously, for later in life we are unable to clog our schedule with such blessed things that Westmont offers, and taking advantage of them is wise. I can't wait for the day when i get that freedom again. I think it will come most weekends, and in Africa. More details on the Africa trip are pending, and will be unfolded in good time.
Book references: A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanouken (including letters from C.S. Lewis); 1 and 2 Timothy by St. Paul
Current Reading: The Brothers K by David James Duncan
PS: I get to house sit/dog sit at Tremper Longman's house. I can't wait. I think if i was going to go to seminary right now, i would go into Old Testament Studies. I am realizing that i am really interested and like that stuff a lot. I should have understood this last year when i took my OT class.
Question to all you graduates: What two major's w0uld you take if you could do Westmont again. My answer, after much deliberation, would be English and Kinesiology
Current Favorite Qoute: "It is not who you know, but whome you know." Unknown
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