The pain never felt so good.

It is strangely satisfying to wear your first holes in a pair of climbing shoes. For the past two weeks I have been expanding the wear spots and stretching the seams. Practically climbing on my big toe has caused me to look for more heel-hooking opportunities. You'll soon be getting a review on Chris Sharma's Pontas made by Evolve.

Traveling the Road to Emmaus

After projecting consistently for a month, Neil and I finally have red-pointed "The Road to Emmaus," a thirty foot length traverse in which you travel half way around the boulder and then up "Elmer Gantry" to sit on the peak, and enjoy the feeling of well earned accomplishment. Neil breezed cleanly through on his first attempt today, redeeming his five failed attempts yesterday. After he busted the mental barrier I jumped up and walked right down the same path with less suave but more drama. The moves were easy after we had rehearsed it into an intuitive state. It was awkwardly satisfying; there wasn't one of those moments where I pushed through pain and held on beyond previous conceived possibility, but at the end sitting up top I thought about how long we had worked to get to that moment, how much I had learned, and then the weight was felt. That's what this climb was, the weight of hard work, perseverance, pain, and obvious growth resulting in satisfied accomplishment - oh, and it's fun!

What a wonderful day! Strength and vigor was amply bestowed upon us, enough to start projecting a new traverse the back side, which I hope ends up including a reaching heal-hook. Give it a shot, first one over and up is non-rotten egg, and gets to name it.

Emerson you will stand, I will surmount

Well, this past Sunday I surpassed my expectations and completed the second half of the current project: The lengthy traverse of the Emerson boulder. At this point I can't say that tomorrow's planned attempt with Neil Roessler will be successful, but the chances are good for the ol' chap and me. I am not one for excuses, but the holes in my shoes have added excruciation to slipping foot holds at the bottom of face traverse. There appear to be only a few options: 1) Wait till the REI opens up and I have enough money to buy a new pair of shoes; 2) Get my shoes resoled; 3) Keep climbing anyway until 1 or 2 is affordable. 3 it is! I am excited, I just need to start bearing more weight on my left foot, and get an even ware.

Emerson shall be surmounted soon enough my friends, I improve with every attempt. If there is one thing that I appreciate in climbing, its the noticeable progress. Contrasted with grunting frustrating two three weeks ago, the previous crux is now passable with little emotional strain.

Project: Westmont Boulder Traverse

Well today at my lunch break from work I got to continue hitting Westmont's Emerson Boulder. I have almost finished every part of the traverse, the face is tough but I have found a couple of up, side, down, side moves that are making it more plausible with every attempt. Soon I hope to get a fresh attack and connect all the pieces. Where is Neil Roessler to show me how its done when I need him and then move the crash pad for me? Oh yeah, climbing the brickyard...

Forewarning: Climbing hormones present

My stellar roommate Jay has bought be a crash-pad, this combined with the diverse and sporadic lifestyle that the next four months is going to consist of, has led me to tune into the measure of climbing hormones my body is producing. The boulder gland is located near the cerebellum and share many neurological pathways - the two are almost distinctly linked together so that the boulder gland will cease to produce if the cerebellum is not stimulated in activities such as long slope holds, overhang, and a series of dynos. I recently have been taking a high dose of rocky supplements and have had strong excretions of crimp, heal hook, and reach. Chalk is almost permanently ground into my pores, I hope to rid myself of the weighty burden that a chalk bag can be. So, all that to say, look out because I think this blog my soon transform and contain many graphic photographs and descriptions of the aforementioned bodily productions. If you want to climb, lets go.

You should be warned of the significant side effects due to extreme boulder hormonal production: Bulging and sore forearms, rippling deltoids, biceps lined with veiny streets, blistered and screaming toes, calloused hands, abnormal and insatiable gaze upon rocks of all shapes and sizes, and high risk of falling.

The greatest question

When she was falling to what was to be her death, and I when I chose to fall to what was to be my death - my first thought was, "I am not going to let her fall, at least not alone." I didn't.

We are both alive. I pose this question to you: What is the greatest question?

The greatest question that will ever be asked for me - Will God allow me to be alone?

If God will not have me be alone, then there is not hell. If God will leave me alone, then there is. If we can be alone from God, then the person, a young kid who I sacrifice my life for, who rejects Jesus, that person I will have be left alone. If God has us alone, then the Halocaust was a symbol of reality that is greater than the reality we can feel in this life. If God has us alone, then pornography is a more twisted image of togetherness than we will ever come into contact with before bodily death.

The second greatest question for me: Does God choose to leave us alone? Or, does God allow us to be left alone?

The third greatest question for me: From how I have lived, what are my answers?

The fourth greatest questions for me: Does Jesus' existence and his recorded life change my previous two answers?

The Agenda

Do I believe in an agenda? Is this different than having a particular will? Can they be separated? When I have heard the phrase "God's will" I have always understood it to mean, what God wants to be done. But it seems to me, that what fits with the way this world works is that its God's agenda? Does God's agenda get carried through every time in every situation? I have no clue! I have seen it and believed that his agenda has obviously been carried through and implemented, setting the course and guiding certain events. Other times, I strongly doubt it, and tend to err on the side of "No it hasn't been implemented." Well you know what? I'm done with erring in doubt on the side of "No."
So, does God have an agenda? Yes. Everyone does. Trust this. Jesus had an agenda.
Do I have agenda? Yeah. Does that agenda mean that I want things to happen, and that may not make everyone happy? Yeah. I want a good, righteous, giving, agenda of love that shuns darkness, shuns immorality, that HATES EVIL, that does not want a child to starve to death, that rejoices when a good decision is made rather than a bad one, when someone holds onto their innocence and their joyful smile rather than giving into anger and beating their fists in rage for something over nothing. I want a righteousness that is sorrowful for those who don't see it, that is joyful for those that do, that wants and likes to have fun, that does not want people to be hurt, nor wants people hurting themselves, but loves their freedom repeatedly until it hurts, and also longs for their healing. I want opportunity for all, but I just as equally want those who are given that opportunity to do their best with it. And on some level, I DO want that opportunity to match up with what I want.

I have never been asked to not have a want or desire, I have only been asked to change what I want. I should not change and live apathetically, and I cannot - doing so is killing me, and I refuse to die in this way. Shoot me, because I love you - but I seek to have a pure love. A love that would rather die pure than live impurely.
I will have the strength to call you out, for not calling me out on this. I will have the gentleness to speak softly but the firmness to be direct. I will sit with you until truth that is necessary is revealed and a decision about that is made. I will lose sleep, I will not eat, I will cry, I will smile, I will bleed, I will laugh, and I will lay prostrated for all my life. All the aforementioned is my agenda.

I am sorry if you are offending because I want these things, but I am going to start saying with honesty and open conviction something I have been afraid to say in a long time :
you are wrong,
God is right,
and I wish you to join me.

I am not afraid of being wrong, not anymore. I am only afraid of not living with a pure heart, not having truth. I am not afraid of hurting people anymore. I am only afraid of not living in the righteousness that I have.

I am not afraid of being stupid. I have been called stupid before, I have been stupid before. I am afraid of not accepting it, and not repenting.

I have been wrong most of my life, and I have been wrong about mostly the wrong things, and it sucks. But the right things are becoming clear. You are the right thing. Your life is very important. My life is very important. I am the right thing.

I have learned hard way, and guess what? Its hard. Now, I am probably going to learn the hard way, how to stop learning the hard way, and someday I will learn an easier way.

The battle began, it begins today, it begins tomorrow.